Stupid

you know what piss me off the most is when you talking to someone they making you feel  like you stupid like you don't know what you talking about. I being in this relationship for almost 11 years and all he does is cheat and lie. sometime I think God is punish me but day by day I think he teach me a lesson through this journey I'm going through. some time I fee lost and a long, I feel like I don't have no where to run too. I will never wish anybody get to the position i'm in today before it could make you go crazy, for several time I try to kill myself, I fall from depression because of amen even though we still living in the same house now I try to be strong for my kids into I finish school but it's not a healthy situation because waking ever morning wishing that tonight could be the night. its like every night I have a died wish even though I have my kids because part of me think my kids would be better without me in their life, you have friends but it feel like you don't have anybody because no one is reaching out a hands. well my dreams is to have finish school and move to jersey even with that plan I don't even know how I could do it because I don't want to leave my kids behind and I don't even know how i'm going to do it because I don't have anybody to count or a car. well I would had a car by now but I listen to the snake that convinced me to put a down payment in a car that he said was going to be but then take over the car so now I don't really have a car, he decided when I get to used the car normally I used the white car but now the white car is mess up and I think he might di shit where I will not be able to make it to work sometime. I pray God a miracle or if anybody read this please pray for to get myself out of this situation.