Stupid

you know what piss me off the most is when you talking to someone they making you feel  like you stupid like you don't know what you talking about. I being in this relationship for almost 11 years and all he does is cheat and lie. sometime I think God is punish me but day by day I think he teach me a lesson through this journey I'm going through. some time I fee lost and a long, I feel like I don't have no where to run too. I will never wish anybody get to the position i'm in today before it could make you go crazy, for several time I try to kill myself, I fall from depression because of amen even though we still living in the same house now I try to be strong for my kids into I finish school but it's not a healthy situation because waking ever morning wishing that tonight could be the night. its like every night I have a died wish even though I have my kids because part of me think my kids would be better without me in their life, you have friends but it feel like you don't have anybody because no one is reaching out a hands. well my dreams is to have finish school and move to jersey even with that plan I don't even know how I could do it because I don't want to leave my kids behind and I don't even know how i'm going to do it because I don't have anybody to count or a car. well I would had a car by now but I listen to the snake that convinced me to put a down payment in a car that he said was going to be but then take over the car so now I don't really have a car, he decided when I get to used the car normally I used the white car but now the white car is mess up and I think he might di shit where I will not be able to make it to work sometime. I pray God a miracle or if anybody read this please pray for to get myself out of this situation.

Relationship

Sometime I'm wondering if this is the way my life suppose to be, some time I feel so lonely that I feel like going crazy . I'm 27 about to turn 28 next month with 2 kids I work and I go to school full time. I thing I carry myself pretty well but for some reason I feel like I'm  being punish for something. I want to have a relationship but because of my current situation there's no one that will give me a chance, my situation is that I really want to finish school so because of that I'm still living with my kids father even thought we are not together. for example a few weeks ago I met this guys we went out on date everything was good I explain to him about my situation and what my plans are we talk on Sunday and Monday but since then we never talk again when I call him he doesn't respond to text so now I decided to add him on my reject list because it hurt because I sit there and explain everything to you instead of him telling me you know I don't think I could do that but instead he act like he was all cool about everything. That hurt my feeling because I just want to find someone I could related or even a friend to talk to sometime. I not try to rush into any serious relationship with some one but I just wish I have choices if I would ever do.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a big thing in United State I grew in Haiti I didn't know anything about thanksgiving. Thanksgiving to used is around March that's when Jesus die and wake up we celebrated that by having salt fish and planting with rice and that whole weekend that's what we would do but by being  in united state we have learn different things, Even thought most of us doesn't make our turkey like American do but we still cook and do the family thing. Also by having kids and leaning about thanksgiving even if we didn't celebrated thanksgiving I would just do it because of my kids. One thing about thanksgiving I want to change is I want to be able to have my whole family and friends sitting down together and eat we don't usually have that because our table is not big enough for everybody to sit. This year our thanksgiving was better then most years before, for the first time I actually went to Black Friday shopping that was the best decision I made because I was able to get some Christmas for my kids and I was able to get my laptop back for a cheaper price. That was my time ever go black Friday shopping it was crazy especially at Wal-Mart I never saw people lining up outside Wal-Mart just to go inside. also that was the first time I didn't had to work on thanksgiving I had 4 days vacation it was amazing to just stay home and relax. well that's all for today.